The Mariner’s Tale

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“Land Ahoy!”

his First Mate
not more than two feet away,
still doesn’t see her coming

after the full force
hits the stern with a swift kick
aimed right up the Jacksie!

“Bring her about
hard & fast
& shut your bloody mouth boy!”

she giggles

it’s an entertaining Port
full of surprises, guffaws
& sudden gusts of wind;
her Devil’s Tongue
quick as lightning
her Siren Song
slipping in & under

he lays it on thick

he would feed me grapes
if it weren’t for the Oyster’s
Swordfish, Tuna, Salmon – Lumpfish
a good bottle of Veuve
serving up a concoction
of frivolity with a sharp spank
on the arse for good measure

no sea legs required here

our naked flamboyance
barely creates a ripple
our island paradise
looking out over the sea
from a safe distance -
your bridge

I can see the stars up there
& planets
my world seems bigger
brighter
I stare transfixed into space
but I am not lost
I feel strangely nestled

Green Tree Frogs
& the hope of a Vine snake or two
keep my curiosity peaked

Michael rows
his boat ashore

I am not unlike an island

© Copyright 2013, Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved

Eyes Open

eyes

there was that initial air about you.
the first time we met
you were looking through
steel-framed glasses
but not through me;
you were stealing glances.
I could see you
putting two & two together

you said you were single
although your eyes
were screaming 
NO!
wary at the thought
of yet another
indecent intrusion
into your most private after-life
& I gave you space

your camera rested on your heart
I recall it suspended -
another set of eyes
leaving lasting impressions
that only you could render
I lowered my dress, let it fall to the ground
& you captured me
my heart beating like a drum

I waited for you
when I was on tour
when I was laid up on my bed
abandoned, lonely in Thailand
I wondered what sort of a man you were then,
those glasses reflecting memories like prisms;
living colour
lighting up my room

I see you now
those delightfully dirty
deep dark eyes of yours
smouldering desire,
my cheeks aflame
is all I can do – Crimson
you leave me breathless
& I am head over feet

I can feel you inside me
even before you reach out
& touch my face
kiss my lips, neck
trace your fingertips
over my aching body
to where you melt me
my musk saturating your senses

your bones ache.
it is with love that I push
& pull the fibers of your undoing
stretch your consciousness to new lengths
winding & rewinding thoughts: feelings
every muscle memory
like a ray of sunshine
bursting through & into me

old souls
but we are still children
playful, inquisitive, experimental
age plays between us
our laughter, infectious
we remember those unfettered feelings
like they were yesterday
fifteen going on forty

*

Maureen said the number 8
is symbolic & infinite
eight years between us
the two of us plus six children equals 8
the 26th of March, 2013 our anniversary, equals 8
I will lock the car four more times for you baby
because two 4′s make an eight
we will have 40 years together too my darling

I have known you a lifetime.
everything about you is familiar, safe
your eyes are open
& I just keep falling into you
I love you more now
than this morning
but not as much as tomorrow -
I can hear you smiling in recognition

we are truly blessed
I am very happy
you are everything I could ever hope for
& then some
when I see your face,
watch your eyes lower for that split second
before holding my gaze, grinning
I know with all my heart, that you were meant for me

© Copyright 2013, Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved

These Days

Existential Hand

Existential Hand (Photo credit: w00tdew00t)

1.
I am sad

I wake up alone these days
I wake up
alone

I make my breakfast
thinking
I am changing
a lifetime of bad habits

these days are nothing
like I imagined

I’ve seen better days
I think
maybe if the hollow feeling
in my chest decides
one way or another
to cut me
loose

my existential crisis;
one foot forward
two steps back

these days
turned out nothing
like I had planned

2.
Where do I belong?
Am I where I’m meant to be?
Who do I trust?
Why would I want to anyway?

3.
My bed is calling me
to my happy place
in more ways than one

she comforts me
while my pillows
are makeshift muscles
I spoon
& wrap around
& cling,
burying myself

I long to get lost
to disappear
to re-emerge somewhere else;
transform
into something
resembling reason

4.
They say I run

5.
More often than not
I turn my back
close my eyes
& hope for the best

6.
They say ‘feel the fear
& do it anyway’

that’s never been a problem
until now

today
every move I make
takes my breath away

7.
These days
I am like a Lily

© Copyright 2012, Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved

Arrogance – A Found Poem

Arrogance?  Why?

Winter Rose

Winter Rose (Photo credit: Ross Burton)

Well, when you’re climbing,
everything’s against you.
Gravity, wind and weather
altitude, time, geography.

You’re nothing but a spec
on the face of a monolithe,
one that’s been where it is
since the dawn of time.

But you don’t care
about any of that.

If you did, you wouldn’t be there.
But you are there, daring
disaster and death
and all of it

a little flea
climbing up a mountain.

A mountain.

What is that,
if not arrogance?

Excerpt from The Winter Rose, by Jennifer Donnelly, 2006, pg 560.  Re-written in poetic form as seen here, by Jodine Derena Butler, 2012.  Copyright permission pending.

Sea of Possibility

English: The Aurora Borealis or northern light...

Image via Wikipedia

Wrap me in a padded cell
so I may kick
& flail
eke out my existence
purge my maelstrom,
those configured fires
left to smoulder
in relative calm

bound by containment
I strain every sinew
to breaking point
every muscle to burn
my cognisance; fragmented
Freudian slips
of recognition
rubbed raw

I will break free.
stretch the threads
of my fabric,
my very being
so that I may ignite
the Phoenix
to take on life
& soar

my thoughts are like charred embers;
reminiscent remains
of a Godless era,
mountains of mole hills
set in the West
cast shadows
my gauntlet
rearing its ugly head

what will become of her?
my desolation, left
to wander this Papa
where great lakes
threaten to burst
their asides
remind us
we are at Her mercy

but to fail is not an option.
deliverance stands
turning on my heel
to where the sunrise
promises more
than just to warm
my bones
hope, skipping pebbles

perhaps to sail?
riding the salt & pepper coast
my salvation avoiding
complex low pressure systems
preferring to watch the Seagulls
negotiate on my behalf
squalls rolling
in my wake

watching Mollymawks
crash land burly trails
full of anticipation
my Mull
living on a prayer
an easy meal
is not without compromise
black, white & grey

pre-determined destinations
finding solace
at the end of the Earth
Aurora Borealis
leading me
not into temptation
Crow always on the lookout
searching the Sea

*

sandal-less feet
pale skin tinged Olive
Doves on a distant spire
cooing a lull
my cradle rocks
a fishing line
tied to my big toe
where everything is as it should be

© Copyright 2012, Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved

Tequila Salt

Deutsch: Neuartige Waldschäden („Waldsterben“)...

Image via Wikipedia

I am not liked
I am a bad girl
I am dishonest
I am untrustworthy
I am unknown
I am a waste of time
I am not perfect
I am lonely
I am bored
I am not serious

I will be deleted
I have burned my bridges

I am grey
I am unable to compromise
I am repulsive
I am verbose
I am going nowhere
I am lost
I am blind
I am a head fuck

I don’t know the answers

I am not needed
I am not on the same level
I am wrong

I have no plans

I am not convincing
I am not worthy
I am a 10-year-old

I have a crush

I am stuck
I am not wanted
I am a tag-along
I am sick
I am a liability
I am grabbing at straws
I am refused
I am denied
I am selfish
I am shit
I am an enemy
I am a disappointment
I am old
I am fucked up
I am unsuccessful
I am a failure

I can’t see the wood for the tree’s
Why would anyone want someone like me?

*

he was my lover
he was my friend

Tequila salt
wounds
like acid
rain

 

© Copyright 2012, Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved

Fringe Factor

SNAP Magazine (April 1941) ...item 1.. Mother ...


I am on the fringe
my destiny intertwined
money & lust
existence
paving a way for my future

I am loved
unconditionally.

he doesn’t presume
to try to control me
directly
indirectly I don’t know -
sometimes I feel bereft;
a single cell amoeba
searching
for another sign
of life

solitude
my friend & my enemy
co-exist;
uncertainty
at every new juncture
jeers in contempt
I am frozen in fear
for falling
& failing
humiliation burning
into my face
to spite me

ungracious
in pursuit of happiness
I take no prisoners
perhaps my journey
is my destination?
isolation & separation
inextricably linked,
pseudo relationships
taking precedence

lonely street’s
with or without corners
smoothing my transition

in the distance,
no picket fence to define me
or winter garden
or fire escape

I digress, sadly.
inner sanctum’s
flawed by design
serve only to mimic my life

contentment
knows no bounds

© Copyright 2012, Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved