‘Visons’ by Jefferson Muncy Art 

I’m so up and down


falling about the place

then picking myself up


dusting myself off

planning my future


neither here nor there

clearing clutter

turfing rubbish


pulling out weeds

rotating my garden


up all hours

drinking coffee



bursting into tears

mowing the lawn


lonely and tired

keeping appointments


feeding the cats

cuddling the dog

rearranging furniture

another movie



moving this way

and that

taking big chunks out



on a shoestring budget


wondering where it all went



© Copyright 2016, Jodine Derena Butler & Poetry Out West. All Rights Reserved

I Wish

‘Newborn Nightmare’ by Photographer Wojceich Zwolinski – Cambion Art

I wish you could see me, but more crucial that you could see yourself

I loved you more than anyone but you gave me nothing to hold on to

You won’t stop making nonsense some sort of sabotage, pandering to your paranoia

I preferred your sweet smile, remembering laughter when you really meant it

Everything on our own terms, not needing anyone or anything

Your eyes meeting mine, discarded clothes strewn about the place

You are all I see, nothings changed. my heart is still beating for you

I wish we were naked in our secret place, playing with each others present tense

Feeling everything we’ve lost so we can find love again

I wish I could be happy in the madness, doing all the things you wanted me to

This something, is not what I want no matter how much I keep thinking

You are everything and more because I could never love another and look past

History is so different this time. I can’t let you go, when that first kiss was love

I’m breaking down, in my darkness, my world running after my memory of you

I wish you would pick me up and cradle me in your warm arms because I’m so tired

Let those thoughts go from my mouth, taste your beautiful lips

I want to take it all, wrap myself around and breathe you in

I dont want to waste a minute wasting time, waiting for you to rise

I wish you would walk away from those liars, and tell me you love me

Time wondering if it’s too late, watching everyone take a deep breath

I wish I never met you but I want to see you, one last night

You and all your misbehaving, hoping it’s alright

But it won’t be. There is nothing worse than watching a man and his demons

And love die


© Copyright 2016, Jodine Derena Butler & Poetry Out West. All Rights Reserved

Check Mate

Photographer/Headpiece/Makeup by Andreas Boldt

You went back to the old ways, baby

let those speak for me, on their behalf

poisoning your mind and self

to bring you back home, tethered

to that place you’ve been trying to leave

you let them whisper in your ear, 

sweet nothings to woo betrayal, 

the only thing you trusted

you’ve gone full circle

fear taking what was good for you

over love, held in contempt 

lust luring you back again

already screwing you,

now they’re trying to screw me

with phone calls, designer texts

intimidation sending me 

into undercover, in disbelief 

believing you have a hand in thuggery

you were so protective 

of me, once family

willing to sell it all to the Devil

you know, sending them all away

but they have your head in a vice,

that false prophet Halo

surrounding you in darkness

check – mate, stealing more 

than just Mary’s soul

you are weak, following

in your fathers footsteps

the one closest to you, the first 

learned her place underfoot 

her escape futile, her existance

cruel penance for that lost child

proving her guilt

she accepts her fate, now

that’s why she turns a blind eye

allowing your atrocious behaviour

to go unchecked; you raise your voice,

she see’s him in you and resigns

I have fallen by the way

learning to let go of my heart,

my mortality reminds me daily

that I am alone

I look forward to other things, now

bringing fulfillment here,

my father in his Twilight

where I can care for love

without risk, losing it all

the best part – his death 

teaching me everything else

I need to know


one day, I hope

you sneak back into my bed,

just because you can and 

we have an hour or two

to ourselves, like it was before

remembering our smell,

feeling our hearts open

loving each other well, adjusted 

until the next time we say goodbye

and life goes on

© Copyright 2016, Jodine Derena Butler & Poetry Out West. All Rights Reserved



I’m craving you, today

 all those beautiful things about you

that glittered like gold, your face

literally a ray of fucking sunshine

portending our future

happiness, growing old together

I crave to see your smile, fall

 about the place laughing

I look back through photographs,

those ones on the balcony

encapsulating you against a green


when we were ecstatic, tripping 

over our good fortune pleasured to meet,

makes me weep now

I loved you so much it’s unbearable

witnessing our public demise

where I chastise my foolishness,

choosing to believe in love – you

I would do anything to turn back time,

start over knowing what we know now

hold on to that part of us

that was true, before reality 

ripped me a new one and I belly flopped

into despair – my eyes search 

for you everywhere, in my rearview

to steal a glance, catch a glimpse

to see if you remember me, re-ignite 

one final psychic spark

awakening those butterfly’s

I don’t want the dawn to sing to me,

I long to dream rainbows and fairy floss,

instead of axe handles / switch blades

cutting off my head,

dismembering my brain stem

from my heartbeat for you

some days I look for ways I can feel

my fingers frantic

without prying ears interfering

and I ride you into rhythm, doublets

triplets and fours

before I stare transfixed

into the silent night

did you feel anything?

I don’t like this, nastiness 

it does not become you or us

its not how I want to remember you

but it’s all you’ve ever known

it’s not too late to salvage respect

putting it all down to folly, our hurt

doesn’t need to  scar, on par

with adolescent angst

I love all those who have gone before

each finding that special place

lodged in the spaces between

the good, the bad and the ugly

forgive me, for I will in time

make it all worthwhile

all I want is for you to be happy,

successful and content

please don’t fall back into line

choosing thugs for pittance

you’re worth more than pseudo security

its all bullshit, that old way

you are made for enlightenment

not eternal darkness

I still love you the way I remember you

I just don’t believe in the Devil

© Copyright 2016, Jodine Derena Butler & Poetry Out West. All Rights Reserved



I could never look

at you the same way

I adored you, once

your true colours have me

in sensory overload

in disbelief

in shock, left winded

clutching my heaving chest

reeling from the blows
to take such pride

inflicting pain, deliberately

fueling retribution over lack

of supply, shows me I never knew

you – you who would do anything

for me, except love me

finding unjustified reasons

to hurt me

because I don’t abide
I could never trust

the man that revels in pain

his empowerment borne

plotting, scheming manipulations

splitting love in two

my aorta left to bleed

out, powerless –

it makes him feel 

like a man
you’re not my man

I was your meal ticket

your way to escape

demons; Dachau passing down

suffering, such a way of life

completely misunderstood

cruel Nazi mentality, heartless

your Mockingbird,

your SS badge of dishonour
worse, using children

an apparatus for torture

where love nurtured trust,

spiritual guidance squandered

on self-serving childhood needs,

your own metered out


love is not yours to ridicule away

denying its abundant existance
I will never trust my heart,

expose her soft underbelly

or offer her up 

in sacrafice; like a lamb,

your God is a manmade

fallacy designed to subjugate

misogyny, displaced whores

render Madonna complexes

in perpetual conflict
I am disappointed in you

you had it all, proffered up on a silver platter

wanted for nothing, except coveted jealousy 

lusting after sinful greed

you let breed and wreck havoc

Mr Black is a predator, a perpetrator 

you let run roughshod over me

I am not the only one, women

your past is predictable by nature
I hope with what’s left,

you learn your lesson well

I wanted a man – a man,

not a spoiled little boy

throwing tantrums to up

the Antichrist in pursuit

of misspent youth,

ungrateful to the core

matters let go out of hand
I am in Hell

sent there to rot in your abandon

but you didn’t bargain on meeting Demeter

who will hunt you down

to save herself, mourning winter

the long days and sleepless nights,

haunting your nightmares

she, who see’s right through you

will dance on your grave

© Copyright 2016, Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved


Heart Trick


I miss you

 how you were when we fell

over each other’s Cheshire

licking the crème de la crème

from our fingertips,

trusting hoards of butterfly

antennae, sensing under the sheets

or up against the wall

or door, searching for foothold’s

to keep us steady,

while the world burned.

I miss you

your delirious smile

smoldering stare held me

for ransom, taking what was mine in

reckless abandonment 

left, existentially speaking

our hemispheres to render unnecessary

for nothing else mattered.

you were my light

my world burned for you – you

set me on fire.

I miss you

everyday my heart breaks,

shattering into shards 

splintered like thorns

penetrating my psyche,

where our wedding Rose once bloomed

I sink further

than ever green roots

searching for a wellspring and I 

long to love you, remembering

ourselves ecstatic.

I miss you

it hurts too much

to open my self up, invite

you in like Twilight wondering if

demons have you ensnared, tortured

reasons where I cease to exist 

beyond anything pale.

I loved you so, adoring everything I love

I can’t help but feel lost without you

wanting to take another leap and plunge,

but it’s too late


my heart tricked me

to remind me love died. 

Copyright 2016, Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved

All Is Not Lost


Photographer: Jodine Majewski

I have no ill feelings


God knows I have plenty of reason to feel

angry or resentful, hurt

but it’s not in my nature

I feel proud actually,

that I helped a  family to have a future

I really worked hard for her, for him

I am satisfied here in my garden

now, pottering

I’ve found peace here

finally, after losing it all

on a gamble

I should have known much better too

but love is truly blind,

even though my eyes were wide open

I can’t take money with me

so I’ll let it go

they need it more than I

I can hold my head up and feel proud

I don’t have to hurt anyone

to get what I want, tenderness

I can give to myself 


when you love someone,

you don’t do anything to hurt them

© Copyright 2016, Jodine Derena Butler.  All Rights Reserved