Death by Cigarette
1.
“By God it’s good to see family when you’re sick!”, he beamed
arms o u t s t r e t c h e d, averted
teary eyes near
over
flowing
He really must be dying
I feel bad for him
& Him
who feels worse?
wounds are open now
exposed
affection weeping years
suppression/repression/aggression
he shys away from him
behind: behind my apron
strings
pull him toward me
I lean forward: toward
Him
too soon for hymns
but not too late
/
is this what it feels like to die?
to soften for once in your life?
2.
Do I have to wait
that long before I see
the next generation cry
before I
find something to be defensive about?
a fathers legacy
He feels sorry sad
& scared
I follow his every move
I watch Him from behind
corners
He has a lot to answer
He doesn’t know how to feel
the loss
not knowing; the baby
wanting hugs
finding joy in the smallest of things
He will be gone soon
Thy Will Be Done
& life
Will
/
He is not my father
he is my grieving lover
I shake their tears loose
© Copyright 2007 Jodine Derena Butler. All Rights Reserved
Poetry Out West 