Mage Shadowban

I see right through everything you try to impress upon me.

My nose is already cut/off, my mask forever cast into the pantomime of the dead.

When I rise,

I won’t need you.

There are no wallflowers here,
just silent observers casing the joint.

My grandfather’s spyglass has a cracked lens — one of those monocled, steampunky brass edged gems that’s uncoordinated at best but it serves more than a purpose.

Without you, I fade into the background.

I am like a mage.

I draw you in, but you beckon me out from behind my crystal pillars dangling wads of money and a job offer that’s on hold.

I come baring more than just my breasts,

I am yours.

Till the thrill is gone.

I am in danger of succumbing to my own spell, rebounding long before

I am discarded,

when you’ve already moved on to Nightingales and page three nostalgia, my unnatural incantations losing their spark along the way.

Still, you make me question where I belong.

I stand in the orange sunset smoking a durry on my balcony, looking down from my lofty thoughts.

My high society, contemptible self-loathing boldly framing my red-hinged double revolving doors that would swing wider — if it weren’t for the sunstrike that has me

blind.

A spectral shade

of surreal light,

trapped by my own

shadowban.

I see right through everything you try to impress upon me.

My nose is already cut/off, my mask forever cast into the pantomime of the dead.

When I rise,

I won’t need you.

© Copyright 2020, Jodine Derena Butler & Poetry Out West. All Rights Reserved