I don’t want to go to Church;
Have to kneel for a scrap of bread,
Have to beg for forgiveness,
Have to swallow an empty vessel for a measly sip of port wine.
All of it, on my divine time —
For a bullet with my name on it.
I don’t want to be told what to do;
When I am deemed worthy enough for you.
Where I can live, when you decide
Who I can be with, if it suits them.
What I can wear, to show off my hour-glass figure & classic class.
How I earn my pittance pay & not be dependent on you for anything —
That doesn’t meet with family approval.
I don’t want to live this way;
Waiting for a skin & bitch bone
Salivating over moldy morsels
Wagging my mangy tail,
Waiting for that prayer of approval.
I am of Mary Magdalene.
The Patron Saint of Prostitutes
The red right hand of Jesus —
His only true partner in crime.
I am a Goddess in my own right
& I deserve to be equal, besides
I don’t take kindly to being manipulated by Romans or Benedictine
Monks, attempting to make meals on wheels look A La Carte.
Men who would starve a loved one, & feed a stranger, if it meant they were a step closer to the light.
Attonement casts an evil shadow —
Double standards rape & pillage your family values & family members drop like flies amongst the lies.
Heart’s bleed out through cathedrals & stained glass window’s, while you profess your love in gypsy spades.
You piss all over me like a stinking leper!
You, who would decide if I live or die!
Let those who cast the first stone wallow in self pity because I turn my back.
I walk away from you & yours, my bright future fading into despair like the grandiose mirage that it was.
All of it, on your terms.
You would discard me in a heartbeat.
Your entitlement precedes your entourage of everything & nothing,
Where you would set limits on love to the detriment of your own broken heart.
So be it!
These are all moot points in the grand master plan anyway.
The great scheme of things to come, comes at a much greater cost & one I can live without.
© Copyright 2020, Poetry Out West, Jodine Derena Butler. All rights reserved