Sitting/
Staring/
Laying/
preparing for the long rest.
Avoidance/
of people, places, sights and sounds.
Depression/
an abyss-like-nightmare that wants to kill me and I battle for my life.
Anxiety/
strangling me to within an inch of my suffocated existence.
Silence/
except for the machine head that analyses and deciphers psychic projections.
Fear/
the worst my mind can conjure, always on the lookout for my nemesis.
Panic/
attacks that leave me exhausted, foolish, irrational, exposed and defeated.
Boundaries/
overflowing – pushing people away, proving that point I once knew.
Distraction/
compulsion’s that envelop me like a synthesized loop; engulfed, and left devoid of all feeling.
Mistakes/
battles to right wrongs, that fail apallingly.
Agoraphobia/
refusing to put myself at risk, unfortunately I still need to eat.
Guilt/
burdens I endure for both of us.
Sensory deprivation/
just to make it stop!
*
Complex PTSD/
is all of this and more.
Trauma/
leaves a lifelong scar.
© Copyright 2018, Jodine Derena Butler & Poetry Out West. All Rights Reserved