I Choose to Run

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“I think we’ve been put through the emotional wringer and there are only fraying threads left of the tapestry we once sewed together” JD Butler

Just like me to need a pacifier when the going gets tough but

it’s not all about me.

You’ve changed – maybe we’ve both changed, but not for the better. You used to care if I cried but

not any more.

I guess you’re strung out, over-worked, under-paid, under-sexed and looking for a way out in your Red Dead Redemption II,

outback adventure.

Maybe you also feel trapped? What if I left, left the house for you to rent? I can go anywhere to live

and start again.

Sydney, Melbourne, Perth perhaps. 6 months here, 6 months there (in New Zealand). Reinventing myself

is what I’m good at.

Jezabel is never too far away for me to find a way to survive. She never leaves me or changes. I can count on her

to do the right thing.

I’ll miss you. Everything about you. How wonderfully beautiful you are with your deep dark brown eyes. You are talented, loving and rich beyond anything resembling money.

I consider

myself blessed.

It’s time I moved on. I’ve reached a point where I don’t think we can offer each other the best part of ourselves any more. I think I hold you back from your true potential.

I think you resent not seeing your friends as often as you would like – cultivate those

friendships and opportunities.

I think you would feel better with money in your own pocket. I want to see you happier, less frustrated,

less aloof and less distracted.

When I met you, you were larger than life, full of happiness, generosity, love. You were loyal to me.

I think we’ve been put through the emotional wringer and there are only fraying threads left of the tapestry

we once sewed together.

I’m distressed. I’m trying to preserve the last of my sanity in order, to survive.

I’m concerned. I want to give you as much as I can for you to feel secure. You’ve worked hard and

I have no intention of ruining you.

I’m not like my ex because I love you – he never did.

I don’t want to see you cry, or curl up and die inside,

but I still choose

to run again this time.

© Copyright 2018, Jodine Derena Butler & Poetry Out West. All Rights Reserved

9 thoughts on “I Choose to Run”

  1. Well, he left. Found another girlfriend within a week of us parting. The writing was on the wall – I just hoped he was made of stronger stuff. Who knows what’s around the corner…but I’m done with opportunistic gypsies

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, he doesn’t want me to let him go and that’s great to know. Keep working on it, through the thick and thin. Finally, someone worth setting aside my trauma for

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  9. This is gorgeous and tender, reflecting the tenuous uncertainty that hangs between independence and intimacy. I feel the gravitational pull of entropy at work . These lines for some reason effected me deeply, probably because I feel this in my own tapestry now:

    “I think we’ve been put through the emotional ringer and there are only fraying threads left of the tapestry

    we once sewed together.”

    Thank you for this poem, and also for your kind noticed recently on my site. Lona. 🙋🏻‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

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