i’m craving you, today
all those beautiful things about you
that glittered like gold; your face,
literally a ray of fucking sunshine
portending our future
happiness, growing old together
i crave to see your smile, fall
about the place laughing
i look back through photographs,
those ones on the balcony
encapsulating you against a green backdrop
when we were ecstatic, tripping
over our good fortune pleasured to meet,
makes me weep now
i loved you so much it’s unbearable
witnessing our public demise
i chastise my foolishness,
choosing to believe in love – you
i would do anything to turn back time,
start over knowing what we know now
hold on to that part of us
that was true, before
reality ripped me a new one
and i belly flopped into despair
my eyes search for you everywhere,
in my rearview
to steal a glance, catch a glimpse
to see if you remember me, re-ignite
one final psychic spark
awakening those butterfly’s
i don’t want the dawn to sing to me
i long to dream rainbows and fairy floss
instead of axe handles / switch blades
cutting off my head,
dismembering my brain stem
from my heartbeat for you
some days i look for ways i can feel
my fingers frantic
without prying ears interfering
and i ride you into rhythm
doublets, triplets and fours
before i stare transfixed
into the silent night – did you feel anything?
i don’t like this, nastiness unbecoming
it’s not how i want to remember you
but it’s all you’ve ever known
it’s not too late to salvage respect
putting it all down to folly, our hurt
doesn’t need to scar, on par
with adolescent angst
i love all those who have gone before
each finding that special place
lodged in the spaces between
the good, the bad and the ugly
forgive me, for i will in time; make
it all worthwhile
i want you to be happy,
successful and content
please don’t fall back into line
choosing thugs for pittance
you’re worth more than pseudo security
it’s all bullshit, that old way
you are made for enlightenment
not eternal darkness
i still love you the way i remember you
i just don’t believe in the Devil.
© Copyright 2016, Jodine Derena Butler & Poetry Out West. All Rights Reserved
Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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Thank you 🙂 writing is my savior
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Thanks Penny 🙂 how are you? Haven’t heard from you in a while. Hope you and yours are happy 🙂
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That poetry sure told a story, fantastic. Thanks for sharing.
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That is an amazing poem, J
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